Just when you feel that all is lost, out of the darkness emerges the unbearable lightness of being. A light so bright that you could get stretchmarks from it.
I had been unsure of where I was going next but had eventually decided on Bangkok. Decisions, decisions. This was only to be a stepping stone to somewhere quiet with a beach as I really needed to have some downtime. I had thought it was just me, and my advanced years, but everyone I met, regardless of age, said they had periods where they just needed a break for a few days. So, Bangkok and then on to somewhere peaceful. I couldn’t get a direct flight from Jordan so I had a seven-hour stopover in Bahrain, which actually turned into a 10-hour stopover. Oh, the vicissitudes of life as a member of the international jet-set. I arrived in Bangkok late morning which was perfect for checking in my hostel, Naampetch, a more than adequate lodging. On the first day, I decided to throw caution to the wind and risked a tuktuk ride. This hour-long descent into anarchy was a fine blend of exhilaration and abject terror. Weaving in and out of lanes crammed with speeding vehicles, ignoring traffic lights, mounting the pavement, cutting other drivers up. To be honest I felt fantastic . . . after . . . Once I realised I had escaped with my life. Bangkok is big, it is contrary, it is brash, it is vibrant, it is loud, it is resplendent. I visited The Golden Mount, which has a macabre and yet curiously compelling shrine to vultures. Apparently, there were cholera epidemics between 1810 – 1850 and there were so many dead they couldn’t cremate them all. The answer was to leave the bodies outside the city and the vultures disposed of them with commendable efficiency. It also has a fine set of bells and is, unsurprisingly, situated on a mount with great panoramic views of the city. 50 Baht (£1.25) entry and you have to climb 318 steps to enjoy the “Scenic Ambience”. Next was the Thai National Museum (200 Baht, £5), a couple of hours well spent learning a little about the history and culture. It’s not all tuktuk rides and offers of “Boom boom Mista, 300 Baht!”. The next stop on my frenzy of refinement was The Temple of The Emerald Buddha. Sounds like an Indiana Jones film. You are not allowed entry wearing shorts so I had to buy some enthusiastically patterned ‘elephant trousers’ from an enterprising young man lurking outside. He started at 200 Baht but I ruthlessly negotiated him down to 100. The pants were so loud I needed ear defenders. In short, the temple was magnificent but I looked like a knob. Fortunately so did many other unwitting short wearing foreigners. The entry was 500 Baht (£15) but that also included The Grand Palace, the official royal residence, which was right next door. The temples, buildings, cloisters and towers were awe inspiring and worth the trouser anguish, All in all, a full day of sightseeing and immersion. The following morning I had plans to visit two more temples; Wat Pho, otherwise known as the Reclining Buddha Temple, and Wat Arun, otherwise known as the Temple of Dawn. Wat Pho has at its centre a 45m golden reclining Buddha housed in a large hall, hence the name. It also has nearly 400 gilded Buddhas along with murals covering large areas of the chapels. No half measure there. To get to Wat Arun it was necessary to take a ferry across the Chao Phraya River. This cost five Baht and was over before you could say Shrimp Tom Yum. Entrance to both temples was 100 Baht each (£2.40). Strangely, on both sites, I escaped the trouser police but not an irate American at Wat Arun, in comedy oversized elephant pants, who demanded to know how I had got away with it. Well, there are winners and there are losers. Wat Arun was, for me, the best of the three I had visited. The buildings were a little more beautiful and impressive, altogether more affective. There was some kind of ceremony happening whilst I was there that involved a monk and a long orange banner, which people held on to and followed him to the top of the main tower. Despite my best efforts the reason for this remains unknown. My final act of deliberate tourism was to visit Khaosan Road which was near my hostel. This is a famous street full of bars, cheap accommodation and shops. To be honest it didn’t do a lot for me but if I was fond of a tipple I imagine it would be a great place to visit. So, apart from a voyeuristic ride down Sukhumvit Street, the seedier element of the city, during the tuktuk experience, and a counterbalance of two hours at the Ratchadamnoen Contemporary Art Gallery, that was it. I found Bangkok beautiful, absorbing, easy to walk around and pleasantly safe. It is a city, like all cities I guess, of contrasts; affluence and poverty, past and present, splendour and squalor. brazenness and reserve. Everything just seemed a little more pronounced there. Over three days I spent about £80.
เธอหักอกฉัน ฉันจะทำ 200 บาท– Chang Mai songthaew driver
Whilst in Bangkok I identified a quiet beach that met my requirements for a week of rest and recuperation. Nai Yang is in the north of Phuket, I couldn’t not go there really, and only an hour by plane from Bangkok. Greta Thunberg and some friends in sensible clothing will be kicking my door in soon and roughing me up. It is small, quiet and relatively anonymous, Nai Yang that is, not Greta Thunberg. Even more so as I visited during low season. Nai Yang is little more than a beach, some accommodation, massage parlours and a few bars and restaurants. You can cover the entire area on foot in twenty minutes. Having said that, there did seem to be a disproportionately high number of massage parlours. What did I do at this oasis of calm in a world of superfast lunacy? Not much. Apart from daily walks down the beach and through the nearby nature reserve, three meals a day and getting my blog up to date, I did Phuk all. Despite my general inertia I managed to pick up a very painful muscle injury in my leg which largely incapacitated me. I suspect it happened during a massage which also left me nursing a sensitive rib although it may have been caused by my sudden resumption of an exercise programme. I stayed a bit longer than I initially planned, partly due to the leg problem, partly due to the tropical paradise. The 10 days cost about £220 and my flight from Bangkok was £27.
The next move in my ongoing game of travel chess was Krabi where I met up with a friend from West Yorkshire. This resulted in an ongoing competition to see who could be most careful with money. I got a taxi and then a minibus from Nai Yang which cost £11 in total. We only had one night in Krabi so had a wander and some food. My accomplice was keen to avail himself of a haircut, in particular a scissor cut. Unfortunately this proved somewhat of a challenge and ultimately resulted in a number four as it became clear the barber possessed very limited scissor skills. The upside is it won’t need cutting for some considerable time. We also had a mooch around a temple which seemed to have a lot of dogs hanging about. Stayed at the Krabi Golden Hill, which was quite flash for £5 each. Next morning some noodle soup for breakfast and then a taxi to Ao Nang which cost 220 Baht (£5.50).
The accommodation in Ao Nang was more than adequate and cost us £5 per night each. We stayed at Pagi Pagi which had great staff and two friendly cats. Whilst Ao Nang is not without charm and beauty, it is a tourist trap and so does not provide any cultural enrichment. We spent a couple of days sunbathing and eating; getting burnt in more than one sense. A measure of how little occurred is evident in the fact that the biggest event was The Chicken Saag Saga. We went for an Indian, which my travel colleague is still harbouring resentment about five days later. I ordered a vegetable Vindaloo and got Bombay Potatoes. When I brought this to the owner’s attention he said that they don’t do vegetable Vindaloo and so prepared the potatoes especially for me. I didn’t pursue the conversation any further. My friend was also deeply disillusioned with his Chicken Saag. The fact that the meal was overly expensive merely over seasoned an already bad taste. Maybe we have been spoiled for curry by growing up in West Yorkshire, but both our experiences of Indian food abroad has been disappointing to say the least. We also had a wander to the end of the beach and encountered some Macaque monkeys that were incredibly cute looking. Apparently one had molested a tourist earlier that day so we kept a safe distance. Anyway, Not much else to report from our stay. Cost about £40 for the three days.
The next stop was Koh Lanta, a group of islands further down The Andaman coast. Passpartout used his considerable charms, on the highly amusing Nisha, to get us a cut price car and ferry journey to our destination; only 350 Baht each and as it turned out we only paid 250 (£5.95) each. Our accommodation, Leaf House, was much more basic and mosquito friendly than our previous ones. In fact, Koh Lanta seemed much more basic and mosquito friendly. Cue the liberal application of repellant. The staff were friendly and helpful although my amigo was convinced the matriarch had a deep seated dislike of him. The next morning he rented a scooter and went into Lanta town but I stayed in and nursed my still painful leg whilst trying to catch up on the blog. During his Easy Rider day on the road he identified a day’s activity so next morning we embarked on a boat trip to Koh Ngai. Picked up at the accommodation, joined by an Israeli couple and a Spanish couple, dropped at the pier and off we went. I have to admit the sea got a little choppy and I felt a tad seasick. I did, however, take perverse solace in the fact that a quick glance at the others revealed that some of them looked much more queasy than I. It’s the small things. Arrived at our destination, which was incredibly beautiful, definitely no scrimping on the tropical paradise side of things, and straight into some erstwhile snorkelling. There was a coral reef not far from the beach and I was in full Jacques Cousteau mode before you could say Box Jellyfish. It was a very immersive experience, both figuratively and literally. I saw many fish of varying colours, coral, anemones and, most amazingly, a sea turtle. I have to admit it didn’t seem quite as pleased with the encounter as I did. We then got back on the longtail boat and moved down the island a couple of kilometres where we had some lunch and just chilled for a couple of hours before returning. It was my first experience of longtail boats, snorkelling and coral reefs so I was like the proverbial child. Only cost 800 Baht (£20) so top marks all round. Koh Lanta doesn’t seem to have recovered from Covid fully yet and so there were a lot of empty shops and bars, my friend said it was much more vibrant when he had visited several years previously. We did find some great food and had several meals for less than £2 a time. Being honest, apart from the boat trip I didn’t really feel a great deal of enthusiasm for the place. This is probably due to the humidity and constantly being besieged by the mozzies as much as the feeling of it being somewhat deserted and derelict. I spent about £75
Our next destination was Chiang Mai in the north but we had to return to Krabi for the night, so we could get a flight the following morning. We seized this opportunity to visit The Tiger Cave Temple; the tiger cave element is on the ground but the temple part is perched on top of a hill which necessitates a 1260 step climb. There were a couple of moments where I was sweating like a glassblower’s buttocks and breathing like a buttocks glassblower, but the good news is it doesn’t take too long and the views are stunning. There was also an entertaining troop of Macaques in residence for the warm down afterwards. Next morning, a flight to Chiang Mai and cab to our accommodation, Thapae Loft, which was located near the old town area. We scoped a couple of temples the first day and had a general wander. It was all very civilised but nothing too exciting. For the following day we decided to venture out of town to Doi Sukhet, a highly recommended temple, and also Wat Pha Lat, a “secret temple in the jungle”. We were weighing up costs and methods of transport when we got talking to a songthaew driver who knew a guy with some wheels. With the application of some verbal wizardry, we managed to get him to agree to drive us to both temples and a Hmong village for 1500 Baht (£37.50). And waited around whilst we visited them. Deal of the Century. Our guide was called Chai and to be honest he was great company and really looked after us. Mad as a fish mind. The temple in the jungle was a veritable mahatma of serenity, a big cheese major league chill out zone in which I felt completely at peace. Those Buddhists might be onto something there. After a coconut ice cream with sticky rice, we made our way to a Hmong village not far away. The Hmong are ethnic Chinese who were displaced and settled in parts of Laos, Vietnam and Thailand. They historically grew Opium but nowadays rely on rice, corn and tourism for income. The village seemed more like a reservation and there were clearly socio-economic issues. They were very welcoming and despite the shanty town nature of their habitat there was beautiful countryside surrounding them. They are animist in belief, despite some conversions to Buddhism and other religions, so the environment is important to them. Anyway, enough of the Dr Alice Roberts shtick. The last stop on our crazy day out was Doi Suthep, a large temple complex atop a 3000 feet high mountain. Fortunately, you can drive pretty much up to the door, the leg was still giving me some aggravation. Big stupas, lots of gold, singing monks, eye-catching panoramic views of downtown Chiang Mai and a big thunderstorm. What’s not to like? Entry was 30 Baht (75p). The time in Chiang Mai cost about £120 including a massage.
The final destination, in Thailand that is, not death, or indeed undeath, was Chiang Rai. Not so far away and with a very similar name, I imagine a number of people have found themselves in the wrong place. Our first accommodation was in a thriving red light district, which surprised me as I didn’t expect a town so small to have one. Least of all quite such an active one. Our second was in an area much more befitting of our station as travelling gentlemen. We didn’t do a massive amount whilst there but did manage to visit The White Temple (50 Baht £1.20). This is a modern temple, well actually it is an art exhibit, designed by a contemporary artist and could loosely be described as a fairy tale white palace which has a strong preoccupation with death. The buildings are wonderfully, and incongruously, decorated with images as diverse as Michael Jackson, The Matrix, skulls, Minions and serpents. There are several themes; death, temptation, desire, happiness. All as you would imagine with a Buddhist temple but depicted in off the scales imagery. Marvellous. This was followed up with a visit to The Hill Tribes Museum back in town as we are full on culture freaks (20 Baht 50p). We were accompanied by our new amie francais, Lucie, a most wonderful travelling companion. Without doubt the highlight of Chiang Rai was the cat cafe. I spent two hours in the company of more than a dozen feline zen masters. Nirvana. All in all spent about £90
So, that was Thailand. Lots of temples, a few massages, lots of Pad Thai and vegetable curries, some incredibly friendly and accommodating people, long bus rides and breathtaking scenery. Thailand is much less expensive than anywhere else I have visited and you still get a lot for your money. Visiting during low season was certainly advantageous financially and in terms of lower visitor numbers. The only possible downside being the weather. However, after three months of constant heatwave and baking sun the predictable unpredictability was most welcome.