It’s that time again. The time to put life down and pick up an alternative. An alternative full of magic and mystery, of wonderful strange beings and exotic vegetables, like purple carrots or snake beans.
Having completed our mission in Thailand we departed for the border. A regional bus took us to Chiang Khong and then we caught a tuk tuk to the border crossing. The Thai side was a piece of cake but I have to admit a certain uncertainty regarding the Laos checkpoint. I needn’t have bothered because it was frictionless, as they say, although the Laos officials displayed a commendable level of humourlessness. I am sure one of them was just having everyone off for 20 Baht, a negligible amount but, look after the pennies . . . $40 dollars for the visa and we were in. My fears of unitary Marxist-Leninist one party socialist republic oppression now seemed a little unnecessary. It had become evident that we weren’t going to be shot, tortured or whisked off to a gulag. Passpartout and I both withdrew the maximum amount of cash from an ATM, 2500000 Kip, as dictated by the aforementioned government. We were now both millionaires. Currency can get a little confusing; 100000 Baht is £2500, 100000 Kip is £5, 100000 Riel in Cambodia is £24. Despite our new found obscene wealth we engaged in a lengthy “discussion” with a tuk tuk driver regarding the fare to our hotel. Well, that’s how you keep hold of it. Outraged that he was demanding a ludicrously inflated tourist price for a short journey, we protested and questioned his integrity, only to find it was actually quite a long journey. Humble pie, large slice of, managed to avoid an international incident. Houay Xi is a very small town with a noticeable French colonial influence. The hotel was ok but the steps were all different heights so it made you feel like you had a club foot or pronounced leg length discrepancy. I nearly went over a few times. Even the price of only £5 each per night didn’t outweigh the risk of serious spinal injury. It seemed to be a situation that repeated itself throughout the country. Our initial plan had been to spend a night in Houay Xi and then take a slow boat down The Mekong to Luang Prabang. Unfortunately, there wasn’t a boat for three days and that was a long time in a town where you were bored after half an hour. There were some spectacular views over the river but it was stretching things to think you could milk it for three days. We chose a minibus to Luang Prabang the next morning. Well, actually we didn’t have any choice as that was the only option. The journey was supposed to take nine hours but came in closer to thirteen. It was overcrowded, very uncomfortable and there was psychotic music being played continually on a loop. The word challenging doesn’t even come close. Also, everyone on the bus seemed to be ill, with a cacophony of sneezes, sniffing and wretching. We arrived in Luang Prabang about 9pm and grabbed a tuk tuk to our hotel. The Soutikone Place House 2 was stylishly colonial, lots of wooden panelling and well crafted joinery. It was also cheap, £7 each per night including breakfast, and had wonderful staff. A Vietnamese guy called Tom was outstanding as well as funny and endlessly helpful. The first day we had a mooch around the locale, taking in two temples. One on the flat and one atop a small mountain. Although you could have them under Trades Description as a mountain there were, however, great views overlooking the city and The Mekong. The next day we decided to visit Kuang Si waterfalls, highly recommended and a short drive from the city. My colleague rented a scooter (£7) but I chose a shared minibus (£5) due to my irrational fear of motorbikes, still painful leg and exclusion clause in my travel insurance. Maybe I need to let go. The waterfalls were amazing, entrance (£2) and there was the added bonus of a large enclosure for rescued Moon Bears. I am reliably informed that the bears don’t actually come from The Moon. Laos is a poor country and, whilst this means that the infrastructure is in a terrible condition, it also means it is very cheap to visit; you can get meals for less than a pound, massages for £3.50. The people are very warm and welcoming, speak manageable levels of English and provide excellent hospitality. Despite preconceived ideas about it being in a socialist country, Luang Prabang had a reputation as a party town. This seems to have changed since Covid as a lot of the more extreme activities, tubing, white water rafting etc, have been banned. This was precipitated by a number of tourists inconveniently dying whilst engaging in those activities. There are still a lot of things to do however, that don’t involve the risk of imminent death. Having said that, the following day we journeyed to visit The Buddha Cave but our trip was cut short when Evil Knievel received a gash to his head when a low flying tin roof took him out. Fortunately, there were some medical facilities nearby where he received several stitches. The place was surrounded by chickens but no harm came to him and no chickens were involved or hurt during the application of aforementioned sutures. We were planning to leave for Vang Vieng shortly after anyway so it didn’t really affect our stay. An early morning walk enabled us to experience the giving of alms to the local Buddhist monks. This involves people lining the streets and putting food and other offerings in the monk’s bowls whilst the monks say prayers for them. I was accosted by a rather animated lady who kept foisting bags of sticky rice on me to give to the monks. She then charged me for it all. I hope the monks said a few prayers for her. It was an interesting experience and also very atmospheric with the monks chanting as the sun rose. Whilst in Luang Prabang we met Azizi, a Swiss lady of Tunisian descent. We spent a little time with her and found her company most enjoyable. A visit to a local restaurant with her was most entertaining; it’s not easy tackling fish on the bone with a pair of chopsticks. We also met Oh, a Thai doctor, who we would cross paths with again later in our journey. Over the five nights I spent about £120.
Nice one, cheers.
– Buddhist monk after getting some sticky rice
We booked our tickets for the new high speed railway to Vang Vieng through the hotel and took a tuk tuk to the station. See what I did there? It would be pertinent to mention at this point that, although the everyday Lao are incredibly warm and friendly, the ones in official positions are incredibly cold and starchy. Obviously a requirement of the job. The security was tight, frosty joyless officials meting out frosty joyless commands and looks. Bags through the x-ray machine and then seated to await the train. When the train pulled in, the Laos Chinese Railway’s new flagship pride of the infrastructure, all the officials stood to attention on the edge of the platform until it stopped. They then started “organising” passengers with the aid of loudhailers, urging people to line up at the carriage designated to them on their tickets. The strict management of passengers continued on board as some were admonished because the straps on their luggage were hanging over the edge of the luggage rack by a couple of inches. Other than that it was a flawless journey. Due to the mountainous terrain of Laos there are a limited number of routes for the line so the stations are invariably in the middle of nowhere, miles from the towns they serve. This was no problem for me as I like the taxi and tuk tuk rides. Anyway, we got into Vang Vieng and then we spent about an hour trying to find our hotel. This was impressive as the town is pretty small. In our defence, the hotel had just changed name to Valentine Boutique and it was incorrectly marked on Google Maps. The hotel was good, although my travelling friend had serious reservations about the propriety of the proprietor. I have to admit there was something edgy about him. The other members of staff were all friendly and welcoming. Passpartout even got a free upgrade to a room with a balcony after complaining that his safe didn’t work. The rooms were £10 per night. The next day we perambulated locally and ascended the Pha Ngem viewpoint several km outside the town. This was a moderately tricky climb up a rocky footpath, made a little more challenging as it was precipitating like a spring weekend in Blackpool. We managed to reach the top without incident and were treated to some amazing views of the area. In a bizarre, maybe culturally explicable twist, there was a jeep at the top of the mountain and a guy with a kettle selling pot noodles. The jeep must have been airlifted but the reason why remains a mystery. The guy with the pot noodles makes perfect sense, I guess. We went to a restaurant that boasts the best pizzas in Vang Vieng. I wasn’t sure exactly what that represented; it’s like saying the best chimichangas in Keighley. However, it was no idle braggadocio, the pizza was very good. The high point, undoubtedly though, was the view from the terrace. It was without doubt the most beautiful and inspirational vista I have seen from a restaurant. The following day we ventured to Blue Lagoon 2, which we were told was better than Blue Lagoon 1. This turned out to be malicious gossip, 1 was actually far superior to 2. Both lagoons seem to be developed from natural features and have cafes etc and activity features. They are absolute health and safety vacuums but enjoyable all the same. After some diving, bombing and swimming we then explored a cave with Oh, the Thai doctor we had met in Luang Prabang and whom we bumped into at Blue Lagoon 1. Situated partly up a mountainside, the cave, amusingly called The Phu Kham Cave, was, well . . . cavernous. It took us the best part of an hour to fully recon and had some astounding features. I was concerned at one point that it may go on indefinitely and that we may never return to the world of daylight. Although Vang Vieng certainly isn’t the most beautiful place we have visited, it is a characterless town, the surrounding area is absolutely magnificent. Cost about £80 for the three nights.
My colleague wanted to get to our next stop soon as he needed to have his stitches removed. So, next morning we got a bus to Vientiane, Laos’ capital city. Uneventful minibus ride and we arrived mid afternoon. For some reason I just didn’t take to the V Hotel Vientiane, it happens. It was an ok price for a capital city (£12 each) and breakfast was included but I just felt grubby and uncomfortable all the time I was there. It was a very small room also, which didn’t help. First full day we had a mosey down to Wat Sisaket and a good butcher’s at the temples and stupas. It differed to many of the temples in Thailand as it seemed older and less well maintained, which gave it a much more authentic feel. Interestingly there were graves in the grounds, some of which bore the Star of David. The Victory Gate was close by so we trotted down to check it out. We eventually got there after having to shelter in a bus stop due to prolonged and intense rainfall. Apparently, it is based on/inspired by Arc de Triomphe in Paris. A comparison that is paradoxically both obvious and yet tenuous. A further deluge prevented us from reaching Pha That Luang but we managed to tick that off the next day. That evening we found a family run Indian restaurant, Jamil Zahid, and had a most awesome nosebag. The lingering memory of The Saag Saga was finally vanquished. The next day, unfinished business. Pha That Luang is a 44m high golden stupa perched on multiple levels of flooring and set in a walled enclosure. Unfortunately, there was no access to the actual stupa or different levels, just a grassed area around it. This didn’t take away too much as it is a captivating sight in itself. We again encountered our friend Oh near to the temple and had dinner with her. As she was a doctor I asked her about my leg which was still causing me a lot of discomfort. She thought it was Sciatica and strongly suggested that I return to Thailand to have it examined there as the health care in Laos is not as developed. I took this on board and as we were planning to leave the next day anyway I returned to Thailand and Barry Sheene moved on to Pakse. Cost about £100 for the time there.
Laos is an incredibly beautiful country, with outstanding natural features and landscapes. Apart from the officials, whom I suspect are contractually obligated to be miserable and overbearing in their work, the people are very warm and welcoming. As with Thailand you find there are many ethnic groups and interesting peoples. The roads are very poor, public transport seems largely non-existent, there is a lot of poverty and there is no real emergency health care. For me, the amazing scenery and wonderful people more than compensate for those things. Watch the stairs though.