Ha Long has this been going on?

This is the winter of your discontent. Not mine, fortunately, as I am in South East Asia enjoying the sun. Anyway, let me whisk you away to a place where dreams are born and food is inexpensive. Strap yourself in for another whirlwind journey into the vortex of joy,

I have actually visited Vietnam twice on this trip so this is an amalgam of the two.   

I took a bus from Phnom Penh and arrived at the border after a few hours. I was a tad reticent regarding the crossing, thoughts of anti-western communist border guards and all that. They were a little stern but as with Laos my concerns were completely unfounded. I got a 15 day tourist visa free of charge and we were on our way after the obligatory one-two, shilly-shally checkpoint shenanigans; one lot eyeing you up and a long uncomfortable silence before letting you out and one lot doing the same before letting you in. It’s like bacon and eggs or Posh and Becks. I had booked Vy Da hostel in Saigon which was a short ride from the bus station. At $3 a night it was exceptionally good value. Great staff, good facilities, great location. Vietnam is exceptionally good value all round. You could survive on $5 dollars a day if you applied some self control. Obviously activities would cost more but they weren’t particularly expensive; a day trip to The Mekong Delta was $25 dollars. There are no tuk-tuks in Vietnam so you are spared the constant harassment from drivers touting for business. Instead, in Saigon anyway, they have shoe shine boys, and girls, who more than adequately fill the vacuum in the market and are equally if not more vociferous in their quest for your money. Just for information the common mode of transport is motorbike. Every night I promised myself I would say “Good morning Vietnam!” when I awoke, every day I forgot. 

Saigon is officially known as Ho Chi Minh City but I have a fondness for the old name. I find it much more . . . not really sure what I find it much more but I do find it much more something. The first day I took a stroll down to Notre Dame Cathedral but was somewhat disappointed to find it top to toe in Sunday best scaffolding, and closed. I did get a nice photo of the statue outside, however. I then found my way to The Reunification Palace, aka The Independence Palace. Having two names for things is not uncommon in Vietnam. This was built to replace the old French colonial palace and was then appropriated by the North Vietnamese Army after the fall of Saigon. There is still a US helicopter on the roof and it seems to largely serve as a museum of ‘here’s what you could have won!’. I appreciate that history is written by the victors but I was still surprised by the levels of aggression and hostility the Vietnamese suffered at the hand of The French and then The US. This was further demonstrated in The War Remnants Museum and ‘The Hanoi Hilton’. I was also struck by the humility and warmth of the Vietnamese people despite this. Look at me getting all Simon Schama, or Neil Oliver if you prefer someone a little edgier. Despite my ethical pretensions, I was keen to sample Pho, a soup with noodles and beef. I was courteously directed to the best place in Saigon and off I trotted in anticipation. I found Phu-Vuong after a short tete-a-tete with Google Maps and scoped the menu hoping for a vegetarian option. This was anathema to the staff but we came to an understanding that they would have to make it with beef but I could leave it and eat the rest. It still prompted some very quizzical looks. I have to admit it was delicious and I was tempted to eat the lot. I have to point out that staff at the hostel advised me against using my phone in public at night due to phone snatching incidents. I obviously ignored this as I know better and the rules don’t apply to me etc. I had no negative experiences but phone snatching is common in Saigon so don’t be an arrogant airhead tourist like me. Just a little public service broadcast there. The next morning I embarked on a tour to The Mekong Delta. ($25 including lunch) The first stop was The Temple of the Laughing Buddha. The huge titular statue closely resembled Fred Elliot from Coronation Street, an image I found impossible to shift from my mind. As I was the only UK citizen on the tour I was unable to share this hilarious revelation. We then boarded a boat and crossed the Mekong to some islands where we were treated to various activities and features. Products from beekeeping, a trip down some winding “Nam” type rivers, a horse and carriage ride, lunch and an alligator farm. All very culturally rich and informative. My next sojourn was to The Ho Chi Minh City Museum. I was pleasantly surprised by this as it very much focused on the longer history of Vietnam and not very much on post-1975 history. Bizarrely the place was peppered, nay littered, with recently married couples having lengthy professional photo shoots. I also experienced a couple of Vietnamese traditional massages. As previously mentioned I visited The War Remnants Museum. (entry to all mentioned museums was 40,000 Dong – $1.70) This was a fascinating place which not only housed lots of Vietnam War military hardware but also a decent history of the French Colonial period and the US conflict. It is quite distressing in places where the bombing, execution of civilians and exfoliation is covered. That pretty much covers my time in Saigon. Over ten days on two occasions I probably spent £160.

On to Da Nang next and the only sensible way was to fly, I am racking up those air miles. I stayed at Merry Land Hotel which, although not a complete morgue, was certainly not on the merry end of the scale. It was a very anodyne, sterile place with robotic staff. I had a walk along the beach, pleasant with a lively sea but maybe the wrong season as it was completely deserted. Maybe they knew I was coming. If I am honest, Da Nang was impressive in places but I found it impossible to get over-excited whilst there. The Dragon Bridge is a spectacle, there is some attractive architecture and I found the pink cathedral enigmatic. I booked a day trip to Hoi An and that was certainly the highlight for me. A beautiful city with a rich and varied history, it is the architectural equivalent of a particularly fine biscuit assortment. A heterogeneous banquet of contrasting and complimentary styles; Japanese, Chinese, French and Vietnamese. The highlights for me were the Japanese bridge, the Chinese pagodas and the Cam Temple. I also took a walk across to Cam Bam island to check out the buildings, canals and riverside. I am like some kind of insatiable cultural vampire. I spent my last day in Da Nang wandering about and admiring the buildings in the old part of the city, particularly French influences. On my way back to my hotel I discovered a small local restaurant which produced the finest seafood noodles I have had, for just $2. Cost over five days was about £120.

Next stop was Hue, a small city famous for its old town and imperial citadel. I didn’t see a lot of the place other than that; a few drinks and food, a massage and a wander about. My hostel was Garden Homestay Villa. It was about $7 but I was literally in a wooden pod. It was about 6 feet by 4 feet and it gave one the feeling of being a laboratory animal. It was also very hot. Apart from a lacklustre social life and the superheated cage I quite enjoyed Hue, purely because of the citadel and a seven-story pagoda that I visited. This was an hour’s walk down the Perfume River, that in itself was worth the sweat box experience. The Imperial Citadel is situated near the city centre, easy walking distance, and is a great way to spend a day. In fact, you might struggle to see it all in one day unless you were The Road Runner or Liz McGolgan. There are several palaces, houses, temples and other features. Again, 40,000 Dong entry ($1.70). I found it a place of great serenity and was even philosophical about the coffin of steam after visiting there. I wouldn’t go as far as enthusiastic, but certainly philosophical. The seven-story pagoda was definitely a treat, with the added bonus that it houses the actual car that Thich Quang Duc drove to Saigon in just before self-immolating. After sleeping in that hostel I kind of know how he felt. The temple is called Thien Mu and has an important historic place in Hue. It is regarded as the unofficial symbol of the city. I wandered around a huge. sprawling market and grabbed some very tasty food at a stall there. I have no idea what it was. I spent about £100 during my stay.

So, onwards to Hanoi and an eleven-hour bus ride. This was on a sleeping bus so it was not as unpleasant a journey as some have been. I arrived at about 6am and was too early to check in at my hostel. They did let me leave my bags as I went to get some food and waste a few hours. I found a coffee shop with such a wonderful odour of coffee that I indulged myself and partook of the bean. Only the second time in eight and a half years that I had done so. I also encountered a stall that sold some kind of vegetable dumplings and had two. No stopping me now, I was like a runaway freight train. I wandered lonely as an iCloud until it was check-in time and made my way to the digs. My hostel was Nexy, and to be fair it was a good all-rounder; $8 a night and great facilities. The first day I went in search of Train Street, the legendary street where there is a market which has to move quickly when the train passes through. Imagine my horror when I discovered that the market has been stopped and the experience is no longer available. A victim of its own success. In order to overcome this dagger through the heart I decided to take a couple of tours, Ha Long Bay and Ninh Binh, The latter was marketed as the first one but on land. If that makes sense. Anyway, the tours were advertised in the hostel at £65 & $60 respectively. I got talking to a guy in a tour booking office and he did me a deal on both for $70. Laughing, I was. Every time I have been on a tour the operator has pulled this really transparent blag. They say we are ahead of schedule and so they are treating us to a bonus experience. They then take us somewhere where there are items on sale. This happens in every country in South East Asia and some people fall for it and buy overpriced tat. I am far too mean-spirited. In Ha Long it was a pearl propagating racket and shop. I was, however, fascinated by the process by which they open oysters and implant a sliver of pearl which then grows into a real one. I didn’t buy anything though, a small victory against the relentless march of capitalism, even in Vietnam. 

Ha Long Bay was, in a word, simply awesome. We took a boat from the town and within an hour we were at a small group of rugged limestone islands. Unfortunately, photos don’t seem to do justice to the natural landscape. We landed at one island and were shown around a huge cave network. The features were incredible and it felt like it might go on forever, which would have hampered lunch. If you excuse the pun. But it didn’t. We then engaged in some island hopping but without actually landing anywhere. More like island standing on one leg, or even island floating. Whichever, take your pick. We finally disembarked at an island where I opted to climb the resident mountain, more of a hill really, and experience spectacular views of the surrounding area. This trip did go some way to compensate for my missing out on Phi Phi Island in Thailand. 

Ninh Binh, as mentioned above, is marketed as Ha Long Bay on land. Not sure how that works but there are some geological similarities in terms of limestone outcrops. There is also a river that meanders through high-sided valleys and through cave systems. We were taken in rowing boats along the river and went through caves under hillsides until we found ourselves at a floating market in a natural cove. We were also treated to the company of monkeys, who were most amusing. The boat people, who were obviously Vietnamese, rowed the crafts using their feet. This was a strange sight but nonetheless very effective. Following our fun on the water we engaged in a cycle ride. I spent the entirety of this with Bicycle Race ear worming me. We rode out of town a short while and then joined a cycle path through the countryside. There were some fantastic views and features to marvel at, real natural beauty and amazing spectacles. 

Back in Hanoi and my final days were spent photographing locals, visiting the “Hanoi Hilton” and Ho Chi Minh’s Mausoleum. I spent a day taking photos of Hanoi residents and found it incredibly rewarding. I rediscovered the word sonder; the realisation that every stranger has a life as vivid as your own. This was a very liberating experience. The next day I wandered to Hoa Lo Prison, more commonly known as the Hanoi Hilton. This was originally built by the French colonial oppressors to incarcerate anyone who objected to French colonial oppression. It ended its days housing US servicemen captured during the Vietnam War. The most famous resident being John McCain. The entry was 30,000 Dong ($1.26) and, although much of the area has been developed, you can get a good idea of how unpleasant the conditions were inside. Ho Chi Minh’s Mausoleum is a statement piece of architecture but lacks any real charm for me. There is a heavy official presence surrounding it and it is difficult to enjoy the experience as such. The guards are changed regularly so there is a spectacle to it. It is pleasant to walk through the surrounding area which houses a museum and temple but the overriding takeaway for me was just the experience of visiting it. Cost over five days was about £170 including the tours. 

So, Vietnam. I adored the country and the people. Whereas Da Nang didn’t light me up there were plenty of positives and wonderful moments elsewhere. I was particularly enchanted by the people who retain warmth and humility despite their experiences. Vietnam is also a very cheap country to visit. The food is good, services are good, infrastructure is good. Hanoi is certainly more conservative than Saigon but still has a charm and vibrancy to match. There is a clear march towards a capitalist free market but the country unashamedly holds on to its communist roots also. There is a big gap between rural and metropolitan poverty and metropolitan wealth. This is the same in the whole of South East Asia. Most importantly, I guess, Vietnam is a very beautiful country with rich culture and history. I would certainly recommend a visit.