It’s been a while but they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Mind you they also say it’s too cold to snow and look at the North Pole . . . or the top of Everest. Anyway, the joy police are back so get out the inflatable neck cushion, grab some artery blocking snacks and Phuking enjoy it,
I left Phnom Phen and flew to Manilla. I didn’t actually visit the city, just a connection to Palawan. After two weeks in a sprawling metropolis I was keen to find somewhere more sedate. Puerto Princesa, although a city, is very small and comparatively peaceful. My hostel was good, Guni Guni, although the food they served was a little overpriced for my liking. I managed to find some very cheap local eateries nearby which were much more up my street. Both metaphorically and literally. The downside was that I often didn’t know what I was actually eating, just like the UK basically. However, it was always tasty so no complaints on my part. You could get a full meal for less than a pound in some establishments. The first night I walked down to the Bayside area, about 40 minutes, and enjoyed the views. There was amazing light there which made for some wonderful photos. Me and the ghost of David Bailey having a moment there. The Philippines are heavily scarred by the recent typhoon and also by Covid; a lot of visible damage and lack of investment and maintenance. This is juxtaposed against the outstanding natural beauty of the place. There seemed little to do in Puerto Princesa apart from ‘Resto’ bars so adventure lay elsewhere.
My first foray into the unknown was a tricycle ride (they don’t have tuk-tuks in The Philippines) to Nagtabon Beach. This haven of serenity was an hour away and the driver charged £15 to take me there and back, as well as waiting all day whilst I shamelessly Robinson Crusoed . I had the entire beach pretty much to myself until early afternoon and explored its extremities in blissful solitude. I encountered some local residents at one end and had a pleasant chat before moving on to explore the area further. A leisurely walk to the other end and I found a rocky headland with crashing waves and warm, hypnotic breezes. Although very pleasing, Nagtabon Beach is not the most beautiful or spectacular beach I visited. There isn’t a massive amount of things to do there or marvel at but it really was the bollocks. Maybe just because it was pretty much deserted whilst I was there and I had one of those rare spells of clarity that are so elusive. Whilst staying in Puerto Princesa I also took an island hopping trip in Honda Bay. This was not a man-made development sponsored by the vehicle manufacturer but was, in fact, a real bay, with many tropical paradise islands therein. The day didn’t start too well as I was violently sick when we arrived at the jetty. This led me to fear a day of misery as I get seasick at the best of times. However, once we set off I was fine and even uncharacteristically sociable. We visited four islands, as I recall, each of which possessed a unique beauty of its own. On two, Luli and Santa Cruz, we engaged with the way of the snorkel, an ancient art mired in unknowable mystery. During this apocalyptic experience we encountered giant clams, beguiling coral and a multitude of brightly coloured fish. Apparently, Luli Island largely disappears when the tide is high. We had our dinner on the beach at an island I can’t remember the name of and our final stop was a lengthy chill on Cowrie. I think the trip was about £20 which seemed like a steal for a full day of tropical awesomeness. Apart from exploring Puerto Princesa I didn’t do much else while there and I moved on to El Nido courtesy of a minibus booked through the hostel. I spent about £150 including accommodation, food and activities over seven days.
You can’t come in without a mask
– Caretaker at Taoist temple
El Nido is an entirely different kettle of fish to Puerto Princesa. It is small, surrounded by hills and has a pencil thin beach, which it seems is really only used as access to the many boats waiting to take tourists out. Again the damage from the typhoon is evident. The town itself has great character but is not what I would call beautiful. However, and it is a big however, the landscape and neighbouring islands are off the scale jaw dropping. I stayed at Austria’s Guest House which was cheap and did what it says on the tin; it was a house and there were guests. It certainly wasn’t The Ritz but it sufficed and the staff were very helpful. The first night I was there we had a storm blow in. It really came from nowhere and its presence led to a pervading sense of vulnerability. The next day, thankfully still intact, I was on recon and found a couple of places that were great for cheap but good food. My preferred choice was Mae’s Grill. I am no expert but I imagine most visitors to El Nido come for the island hopping trips. This might explain the dozens of boats lurking just off the beach. Not being one to buck tradition I indulged in aforementioned trippery. I plumped for Tour A, £24 including the environmental fee. There are fees for all kinds of things in The Philippines; environmental fee, admin fee, fee for administering the admin fee, just for the sake of it fee, affluent European in overpriced leisure wear fee, fee fi fo fum fee. They are not usually very much but they are regular. However, the price seemed fair for 8 hours in paradise. Even the occasional bout of sea sickness couldn’t put the mockers on it. I feel that maybe I have exhausted my supply of adjectives in regard to The Philippines but here we go; amazing, jaw dropping, awesome, breathtaking, astounding, wondrous. I think you get the picture. The tour took in Shimizu Island, where we had lunch on the beach, The Big Lagoon, where we kayaked and Seven Commandos Beach where we snorkelled. The boat weighed anchor near a couple of rocky islands and we were offloaded to explore the coral. This was such a mesmerising experience that when I resurfaced the drift had carried me 300m from the boat which now seemed like a tiny dot in the distance. How I laughed as I struggled against the current to swim back and thought about all those times I had heaped scorn on people who had found themselves in just such a situation. To be honest though, the coral was truly eye popping and worth the effort, and terror. I am experiencing Adjective Deficit Disorder again. We also visited The Secret Lagoon, the name of which maybe should be changed to The Really Well Known Lagoon, judging by how many people were there. I spent a couple more days in El Nido but really just people watched and got all “present” and “now”, as you do. Next stop was Coron although I did return to El Nido for two nights en route to Boracay. Cost about £120 for six days.
I had been told by numerous people, and many videos on YouTube, that Coron was unmissable. I am not one to be easily swayed by public opinion but in this case I thought I would trust the judgements of others and investigate. When I was hideously seasick on the five hour ferry which cost £50 each way I wasn’t quite as charitable. My misanthropy was quelled somewhat by the sunset as we arrived in Coron Port. I walked through the town to my hotel as I wanted to ensure I was booked on a tour for the next day. I chose the “Ultimate” tour, visiting seven islands, at a cost of £27. My hotel, I couldn’t find a hostel, was The Coron Visitors Hotel. It was £28 a night and although I resented having to pay so much it was good accommodation. The next morning I was collected and taken to the boat, along with several other excited participants. Honda Bay was amazing, El Nido was spectacular but Coron was just off the scale. The first stop, I believe, was Siete Pecados. This small group of islets is a marine park and so there is an abundance of underwater life. The snorkelling is beyond description. This was definitely a highlight for me as was Skeleton Wreck, a Japanese WWII supply vessel sunk by the US. At the shallowest point it is 5m below the surface and you can dive down without any equipment. We also hit Kayangan Lake, an inland freshwater lagoon accessible by a boardwalk over a rocky hillside. Lunch was at Beach 91, a white sand and crystal clear turquoise water kind of place. Over dinner I got talking to a guy called Lee from Cockerham, not far from where I live in the UK. It was good to have that connection and share a wonderful day of incredible adventure. Another unique experience was Barracuda Lake. This is by all accounts a lake comprised of both salt water and fresh water. The result is that as you dive deeper the water gets warmer, to a certain point. This phenomenon is known as thermocline. There are also the most amazing limestone formations that go deep under the surface and rise high above. There is a similar experience at Two Lagoons, which are, unsurprisingly, two lagoons. One is salt water and the inner “secret lagoon” is a higher fresh water content. You enter the inner lagoon by swimming through a cave like passage when the tide is low. They are both incredibly beautiful and the experience stays with you. To be honest it feels very difficult to adequately describe just how seductive and enchanting the day was. I was exhausted in the evening from so much swimming and snorkelling and had a Philippino massage to help unknot my aching muscles. I guess you can’t put a price on such an amazing episode but the financial cost of two nights and the tour was £200.
Next stop was Boracay after returning to El Nido for a day. I had done some earnest Googling to find out the best place in The Philippines to spend Xmas and the clear favourite was Boracay. There are direct flights from El Nido and I got to fly in an aeroplane with propellers, an embarrassingly giddy like a schoolchild first for me. The airport that serves Boracay is not actually in Boracay but is on the much larger island of Panay. It is only a ten minute ferry ride but it is an exercise in how many fees you can pay on one short journey. If I recall correctly there was an airport fee, environmental fee, port fee and booking fee. None of them really amounted to much but it was entertaining. Anyway, before you could say Imelda Marcos I was on Boracay en route to my accommodation. This was Chill Out Hostel and whilst it was not the worst place I stayed it was certainly overpriced for what it offered. The dorms were expensive and I stayed in a single room for three days over Xmas which was £25 a night. For this you got a tiny, and I mean tiny, room with a bunk bed in. I probably sound like an entitled whinger, which I am of course, but it is more to make any potential visitors aware. I came to Boracay with the express intention of just relaxing for ten days and that is what I did. The island is small and Boracay Town is tiny, sandwiched between two beaches; The White Beach which is where the bars, hotels and nightlife is and Bulabog, which incidentally is also white, where the kite-surfers take advantage of the strong Easterly winds. I walked the length of both nearly everyday and enjoyed some serious people watching. The White Beach is the archetypal white sands and palm trees tropical idyll that you envisage when thinking of this neck of the woods. Although it is very touristy there is quite a sedate atmosphere and it is very easy to lose yourself in the best possible way. Apart from a visit to Puka Beach, about 20p on a bus, that was me for ten days. Puka Beach is a small haven with chocker waves and some bucolic concerns knocking out locally crafted objet d’art. It was raining when I visited but it was still an enjoyable day out. I found a fantastic restaurant in the town called Smoke Resto which served very wholesome food at an incredibly reasonable price. Xmas was pleasantly low key, Filipinos celebrate it but refreshingly it is not the consumer frenzy that we have become used to in Europe. So, to recap, I spent ten days doing diddly squat apart from lounging about on beaches watching other people lounge about on beaches. I also completely avoided any stressful or anxiety inducing Xmas related fervour. Estupendo, as they might say in The Philippines. Total cost about £200.
My final destination in The Philippines was Cebu City. I didn’t really do any homework on this so I was a tad surprised to find that it was actually a huge bustling metropolis. It was an hour or so flight from Boracay and then a twenty minute bus ride from the airport to a bus station. I then had to get a taxi to my hostel. Something I have observed about taxi, tuk-tuk and tricycle drivers in South East Asia and The Pacific; they never seem to know where anything is. Anyway, we eventually found Hostel Seven. This was a more than adequate establishment and good value for money, although there was little in the way of separation in the dorm beds. This left you feeling like you were actually in bed with the person next to you. No great hardship for me but some people might find it a little uncomfortable. I took a wander around the city after identifying some places of interest. These included the Basilica del Santo Nino, The Metropolitan Cathedral, The Cebu Heritage Monument and The Carmelite Monastery. I must have covered 20km and had a highly enjoyable time. All these places were free entrance. The following day I took a walk up into the hills and visited The Taoist Temple. It was fascinating to pass through the small villages on the way up as the Filipinos are so friendly and welcoming. I was unaware that Taoist temples existed, I wrongly imagined that places of worship were contrary to Taoist principles. Those who say do not know, those who know do not say. The temple was built in 1972 by the Chinese community but you would think it was much older. It is a mixture of styles and features dragons as well as an elegant pagoda and pavilions. Situated in Beverley Hills, I shit you not, there are wonderful panoramic views of Cebu City. I was in Cebu for New Year’s Eve and although I stayed in the hostel there were stunning firework displays to enjoy. If I am honest I didn’t really warm to Cebu, possibly because of its magnitude after spending so much time in small, quiet towns and on tropical islands. Over the five days I only spent about £50.
So, The Philippines. The natural beauty of the islands is astounding. Even the damage from Covid and the typhoon cannot detract from that. So many paradise moments and experiences of sheer joy. The people are warm and welcoming and seem remarkably resilient. In terms of entry requirements, you need evidence of Covid vaccination and either a return flight or move on ticket for within 30 days of your arrival. This is usually checked at the departing airport en route to The Philippines so it is essential. There are no requirements for a visa for UK citizens. There are so many special places in that part of the world but if you are there I would seriously recommend visiting The Philippines.